This week's Red Writing Hood Challenge: "To the moon"
I've been stuck since I read this email; determined to write something, but my fingers didn't know where to go... finally, I made a wish:
Wishes
I don't throw wishes in wells. Wells eventually have a bottom, where wishes could sink in the sand and be lost forever. Stuck and forgotten and never able to come true. If we drained that wishing well, how many wishes would we find? Unanswered, unknown... hardened into bitter fossils?
I don't blow my wishes into birthday candle flames. Candles are meant to blow out, only to poof away and spread into smoky air and disappear forever. How many incomplete birthday wishes would we find if we could collect all that birthday candle smoke?
I don't make my wishes on face up pennies. The least desirable of all loose change. Only to end up in the bottom of a purse or wallet...eventually face up on asphalt for another wisher to pick up, when it hasn't even redeemed all the other wishes made to Abe Lincoln's shiny copper head. How many many pennies would it take to cash in a wish?
I don't puff my wishes into dandelions, where the seeds sweep up in the wind, landing in strangers' yards, taking my deep secret wishes and setting root for someone else. Someone else who will see my wish growing and marring their lawn. Someone else who will yank my wish by it's root and toss it in the trash. Someone else who will see my wish as a scar on their manicured landscape and shred it to pieces in their lawn mower.
I don't make my wish upon a star. A star is nothing more than a beautiful illusion. A dot of light that dimmed to dark so long ago, barely reaching us hundreds, thousands, millions (?) of years later. My wishes are too precious to throw up to the dark part of the heavens, to whisper into a light that really isn't light.
When I wish, I wish on the moon. It is light, like the heart that carries my wish. The moon can light the darkest path on the darkest night. It is brave, like me. The moon fights the sun. When the illusion stars fade away in fear of the sun's rising, the moon stays. It takes its time and sets when it wants, when it feels the time is right. The moon is always there- like faith; no matter the phase; whether you see it or not, you feel it. You know the moon is keeping guard. My wishes are made of light. My wishes are filled with a secret bravery only they know. My wishes have fight in them. My wishes are filled with faith.
When I wish, I send my wishes to the moon.
Friday, June 8, 2012
Thursday, June 7, 2012
The Preggo Who Cried Labor
"Are you sure?" Oh good God in heaven! Why doesn't anyone believe me?! This was a recurring theme of the day. It was a little irritating, especially since I was near panic myself. It was just too soon.
For the final months during my pregnancy, I kept getting teased for doing things too soon. My baby shower was held when I was five months pregnant, not at the typical eight months or the final weeks of pregnancy. That night, my uncle and aunt teased me for sorting all his clothes and blankets and washing them. When I asked my cousin to be my coach, she teased me for signing up for Lamaze at six months. I was the least pregnant woman in the classroom. When I was seven months and my sister told me that, if I liked, when he was born, we could stay with her for a week and she would help me get adjusted to new mommyhood, I had his bag packed that night. I guess he thought that was his cue.
May 26, 2007, I had a delicious and rare burst of energy. That evening, I had his whole room organized and set up. I washed all of his clothes and blankets a second time and packed his hospital bag and bag for my sister's house. At about 1am I was finally finished. As I lay my head down, I had the most crazy urge to pee. So I peed, and peed... and peed. But this was different. It took me a while to realize what was happening. I went to my uncle's room.
"I have to go to the hospital" I whispered into the dark room. "Are you sure?" "Yes" I said. I am pretty sure I sounded calm, but I think it was shock. "Did your water break?" My aunt asked. "Yes."
"She has to go NOW?" My poor uncle. Going on maybe two hours of sleep, the man was beyond exhausted, and now here I was asking him to play taxi cab. While getting ready, I called my sister to let her know what was happening. "Are you sure?"
When we get to the hospital, the admitting nurse didn't want to admit me. "Hon, are you sure your water broke?" It's 2am; no lady, I just thought I would have my half dead uncle drive me across town to say "S'up". Umm, yeah, I was. After what felt like forever, they finally admitted me. After sending my aunt and uncle home, I was hooked up and settled in. "Are you feeling any contractions, hun?" "Nope, nothing." "Are you sure?" Okay, I wasn't really sure. I was terrified and kind of in shock to be honest. But I'd had false contractions earlier that week and I would not forget that pain. "I'm sure." After a couple of hours of no progression, they decided to shoot me up with some labor inducers. Around that time, my sister had arrived...fresh faced and with coffee- for herself of course. Goodness, I love her. It was still only 4 in the morning. "You should get some sleep" one of the nurses told me. "I'll try, but I'm not really tired." "Are you sure?" Yes, I've been awake almost twenty four hours, but I'm in labor six weeks early; I'm panicking, but I'm not tired. She turned off the TV and dimmed the room lights anyway.
The thing about Pitocin is that it induces labor in a weird way. Once contractions started, they weren't excruciating... I wasn't screaming and cursing like in the movies, or "16 And Pregnant", but they were intense and they would happen almost back to back so that I couldn't catch my breath. When I felt like I was going to pass out from not being able to breathe properly, I asked for the epidural. "Are you sure? You're only 3 centimeters and this could go on a while." I'm woozy and dizzy and cannot breathe. Yes. Yes, I am sure. Just shoot me up already.
When I realized I couldn't feel any more contractions... or my legs for that matter, my awesome coach had to let me know when I'd be ready. Her description is a whole 'nutha blog... What To Expect When You're Expecting didn't fill in all the gaps. Or maybe I didn't get that far in the book.
Soon enough, I had to poop. Yep, there... I said it. I had to poop out a baby. So, my coach went to get the nurse to say I was ready. "No she's not. I just checked her". 'Just' meaning she checked me over an hour ago. My coach came back "She said she just checked you." "But I really feel it. Like really."
So, the cranky and lazy nurse came back. "Are you sure? Because it's a holiday and the doctor on call will be really upset if we call him in for a false alarm.' AM I SURE?! Are you BLEEPIN' kidding me?!
Nurse Slacker looked at me in disgust getting ready to put her "Told You So" face on for the Head Nurse when they put my legs in the stirrups. Very quickly they put them down and ran out of the room. I'm not sure exactly what happened to Nurse Slacker, but all I heard was "She's crowning! Call the doctor NOW!" and "trouble.." I never saw Nurse Slacker again, except for when she was made to clean my room.
"Are you ready to push?" "Yes" "Are you sure?" Oh for God's sake!!! Five minutes and two pushes later, I was a mommy.
Beautiful memories
Love and nostalgia,
J
For the final months during my pregnancy, I kept getting teased for doing things too soon. My baby shower was held when I was five months pregnant, not at the typical eight months or the final weeks of pregnancy. That night, my uncle and aunt teased me for sorting all his clothes and blankets and washing them. When I asked my cousin to be my coach, she teased me for signing up for Lamaze at six months. I was the least pregnant woman in the classroom. When I was seven months and my sister told me that, if I liked, when he was born, we could stay with her for a week and she would help me get adjusted to new mommyhood, I had his bag packed that night. I guess he thought that was his cue.
May 26, 2007, I had a delicious and rare burst of energy. That evening, I had his whole room organized and set up. I washed all of his clothes and blankets a second time and packed his hospital bag and bag for my sister's house. At about 1am I was finally finished. As I lay my head down, I had the most crazy urge to pee. So I peed, and peed... and peed. But this was different. It took me a while to realize what was happening. I went to my uncle's room.
"I have to go to the hospital" I whispered into the dark room. "Are you sure?" "Yes" I said. I am pretty sure I sounded calm, but I think it was shock. "Did your water break?" My aunt asked. "Yes."
"She has to go NOW?" My poor uncle. Going on maybe two hours of sleep, the man was beyond exhausted, and now here I was asking him to play taxi cab. While getting ready, I called my sister to let her know what was happening. "Are you sure?"
When we get to the hospital, the admitting nurse didn't want to admit me. "Hon, are you sure your water broke?" It's 2am; no lady, I just thought I would have my half dead uncle drive me across town to say "S'up". Umm, yeah, I was. After what felt like forever, they finally admitted me. After sending my aunt and uncle home, I was hooked up and settled in. "Are you feeling any contractions, hun?" "Nope, nothing." "Are you sure?" Okay, I wasn't really sure. I was terrified and kind of in shock to be honest. But I'd had false contractions earlier that week and I would not forget that pain. "I'm sure." After a couple of hours of no progression, they decided to shoot me up with some labor inducers. Around that time, my sister had arrived...fresh faced and with coffee- for herself of course. Goodness, I love her. It was still only 4 in the morning. "You should get some sleep" one of the nurses told me. "I'll try, but I'm not really tired." "Are you sure?" Yes, I've been awake almost twenty four hours, but I'm in labor six weeks early; I'm panicking, but I'm not tired. She turned off the TV and dimmed the room lights anyway.
The thing about Pitocin is that it induces labor in a weird way. Once contractions started, they weren't excruciating... I wasn't screaming and cursing like in the movies, or "16 And Pregnant", but they were intense and they would happen almost back to back so that I couldn't catch my breath. When I felt like I was going to pass out from not being able to breathe properly, I asked for the epidural. "Are you sure? You're only 3 centimeters and this could go on a while." I'm woozy and dizzy and cannot breathe. Yes. Yes, I am sure. Just shoot me up already.
When I realized I couldn't feel any more contractions... or my legs for that matter, my awesome coach had to let me know when I'd be ready. Her description is a whole 'nutha blog... What To Expect When You're Expecting didn't fill in all the gaps. Or maybe I didn't get that far in the book.
Soon enough, I had to poop. Yep, there... I said it. I had to poop out a baby. So, my coach went to get the nurse to say I was ready. "No she's not. I just checked her". 'Just' meaning she checked me over an hour ago. My coach came back "She said she just checked you." "But I really feel it. Like really."
So, the cranky and lazy nurse came back. "Are you sure? Because it's a holiday and the doctor on call will be really upset if we call him in for a false alarm.' AM I SURE?! Are you BLEEPIN' kidding me?!
Nurse Slacker looked at me in disgust getting ready to put her "Told You So" face on for the Head Nurse when they put my legs in the stirrups. Very quickly they put them down and ran out of the room. I'm not sure exactly what happened to Nurse Slacker, but all I heard was "She's crowning! Call the doctor NOW!" and "trouble.." I never saw Nurse Slacker again, except for when she was made to clean my room.
"Are you ready to push?" "Yes" "Are you sure?" Oh for God's sake!!! Five minutes and two pushes later, I was a mommy.
Beautiful memories
Love and nostalgia,
J
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