Gentleman in the Land of Dudes

When i was in 2nd grade, there was this boy named Jimmy.  He made Mrs. Barcena's class an absolute nightmare for me.  He would hide my backpack, steal my crayons, pull my hair and tell me how ugly I was.  You can imagine my absolute horror when he was the boy who left the giant heart lollipop and special cut out Valentine from the back of the box on my desk.  You can probably also imagine my total confusion when my cousin told me "OF COURSE HE LIKES YOU! That's why he does all those things to you!"  Why in the world would you try to make someone you like... hate you?  As I've grown older, my complete confusion about the opposite sex has not lessened.  NOT. AT. ALL.  I've never stopped appreciating a true gentleman and I've never stopped wondering why other ladies would settle for anything less.  "That's how he shows he likes you" does NOT fly in my book.

Is it all part of the "boys will be boys" attitude where they battle it out on the playground with headlocks and arm punches?  So, then how and when do we teach them about "keeping your hands to yourself"? It's such murky waters, it makes my head spin.  I want my child to stand up for himself, but I don't want him to stand up for himself with his hands.  I also don't want him to be a "tattletale"; coming to me with every preschool injustice done to him.Trying to find that solid middle ground is not so...solid.

My early year trauma (and subsequent bad luck) have definitely shaped what I show this boy; what I teach him.  I'm raising a gentleman after all, not a dude. I've been blessed with a mellow and non-confrontational child. It's made my heart smile when, at play dates, he doesn't fall for the aggressive child's trap.  When one would grab his toy and declare it "MINE!", he simply moves on...without a word. That's my boy. Slowly but surely though, he's been finding his voice.

A couple of weeks ago, we went to the park to let out some of that never-ending energy that child has.  Since it was a weekend, many other parents had the same idea.  My small and quiet boy is easily overlooked and taken for granted by the big kids.  He'd finally had his fill of being cut off in line and on the ladder, he calmly and firmly told the boy to "WAIT YOUR TURN".  Nice. No, really.  I was proud.  My nice, proud moment darkened a bit when that rotten child pushed my sweet little justice seeker.  I fully expected this violent criminal activity to be reported and waited for just that. Instead, I got to witness vigilante justice.  My mellow-mannered little guy shoved that brute and repeated himself, "WAIT YOUR TURN!" with a "HAVE SOME MANNERS, PLEASE!" thrown in. Proud moment, back. I couldn't help but laugh out loud at the "please" thrown in at the end.  It was perfect.  No one else messed with him on that playground.  I wasn't quite sure how to handle the shove off incident, so in my typical assertive fashion, I ignored it and was just happy a full on playground brawl didn't erupt.  After that, it was a pretty friendly time on the swing set.  Crisis averted. Whew!
 
Then there's coming to the defense of others.  I've noticed that my sweet boy is quicker to come to the defense of others rather than himself.  His preschool teachers have even said the same thing.  I'm not sure if this amazing characteristic is the work of my teachings or Disney Junior's influence, but it certainly goes in the "WOOHOO" column.  He's quick to come to the aid of the small and picked on.  He's not afraid to tell the big kids to "knock it off" when they get too rowdy or rough with the younger set.  He lets the girls have first crayon pick and makes sure that the rough and tumble games of recess don't hurt them. I cannot express how proud or lucky I feel when I hear that from his teachers.  He knows how to treat a lady.

My gremlin is deceptively aloof.  I never know what sinks in and when he sees someone get bonked on the head by a stray ball or trip and fall, it doesn't seem to phase him.  He waits for the crying to stop, then he carries on. Sometimes, he doesn't even wait. That worries me- he definitely gets that from me.  We don't do whininess very well in our house.  So, to know that our "Dinosaur Manners" readings do sink in feels wonderful. 

Even now, as I'm sitting here, catching up on a little writing while the little monkey runs loose in the coolest place ever- Jungle Jaks- I'm catching glimpses of what a good boy he truly is.  Letting the little girls climb up first and making sure his crazy cannon shots don't hurt anyone... yeah, he's a good boy.  Letting the little group of boys who cut in front of him for the bumper boats and that they need to wait behind him, please...yeah...he's a strong boy. 

Manners are not just about "please" and "thank you".  Those are just words...good words... but still just words. 

Manners are a tiny part of character; how you carry yourself.  And to know that, my son, at 4 years old, and with clumsy and complete unsure guidance by yours truly, already has the qualities and character of a gentleman and not just a dude, definitely makes me feel like I'm doing something right. Thank God, I have a gentleman and not a dude.
 

Love, hugs and all that good stuff

J