Invisible Me

After quite a few long years, I've come to realization that I'm not just a mommy, but a single woman.  Whoa.  Crazy, huh? Yeah, it's weird to me too.  I've been defined as a mommy for so long, but that's just one of my many roles in life. My most important one, for sure, but still...there's a small voice in my brain (again, one of many, but that's a whole 'nutha blog) that is telling me I've lost my identity.  MY identity.  Who am I?  If I'm not just a mom, who is it?  I'm pretty much invisible. When I'm asked about hobbies, you could practically hear the hamster screech to a halt on the little wheel in my head.  Hobbies? Who has hobbies anymore?  Interests?  What are those?  We color...we play hot wheels... hang out at the park.  Animal Planet and Disney are pretty much the only reason we have cable.

I've so fully immersed myself into parenthood, everything else that made me me has totally fallen to the wayside. So far to the side, in fact, I cannot remember what made me me. In efforts to focus more on myself, I make tiny little pacts with myself, I will find me, darn it!  I love music, and so many little concerts come into our city, why not?  Let's do it!  But really? My boy needs new shorts/pants/shoes/whatever, can I really justify spending that money on a ticket instead?  Mani/pedis would be such wonderful "Me Time".  Seriously?  How selfish is that, when we could use that money for some zoo time with a sweet mommy/son lunch after?  I love reading.  Let's find a good book.  Ha! After a full work day, making dinner, cleaning up after dinner, bath time, reading time and getting our stuff ready for the next day? Like staying up to read is really going to happen. I really do miss my photography hobby.  We could both cruise around and let me take shots while he admires the beauty that is our city.  Spending THAT amount of money to replace a stolen camera when a new bedroom set is needed?  Stupid move, indeed.  That just isn't going to happen.  This is tough.  I'm not an easy woman to find.

I can't even decide what to spend my preciously rare free time on.  I am not really a club person.  I rarely drink and having strangers rub up on me is, oddly, not that appealing. I'm weird like that.  At any rate, my few close friends are married or involved with very significant others.  They're usually mildly opposed to getting rubbed up on any way.  I have so little free time, that after I catch up on chores and errands, I'm exhausted.  Netflix and reruns of TLC's "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding" are really the best options I can think of. Time with me.  I can dig it.  I like spending time with me. 

One day, you'll see me.  I won't be so invisible.  One day.


Happiness...
J